But I got a word of warning for all you would-be Goon hunters. When you join Mitten's enemies list, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every Goon hunter owes me one hundred Goonsicles. And I want my Goonsicles. And all y'all will git me one hundred Goonsicles, taken from the ships of one hundred dead Goons. Or you will die tryin'.
You'll recall from Inglourious Carebears that Mittens has established an enemies list. If you're on it, you're instantly elevated to super-star status. Instant celebrity. Velvet ropes at the best clubs are pulled aside for you. Johnny Depp and Beyonce want to hang out at your table and buy you drinks.
Best of all, you get to hunt Goons. For free.
'Cause. let me tell you, if wardeccing an alliance of 9,000 hysterical Goons wasn't cheap before the new war mechanics dropped into place, it is outright stratospheric now. Unless you're sitting on a pile of Technetium isk (which most of us are not) a license to hunt Goons outside of their nullsec habitat has gotten cost prohibitive.
Happily, some members of Mitten's enemies list are kind enough to share the wealth; to let a select few bask in the glow of their new-found infamy. You see, the updated Inferno wardec system allows you to offer to ally yourself with the objects of Mitten's ire. Thus allied, when the velvet rope in front of Club Chin Pussy is lifted, you too may slip past the jaundiced eye of the Maitre d and take your seat at the table of the just. There we while away the late hours, drinking Johnny Depp's scotch and laughing over 9,000 Goons feeling the wedgie every time uncle Mittens gets his panties in a bunch.
But don't get so lost in the moment that you forget to send me my Goonsicles. I want my Goonsicles. They go so well with the scotch.
Tchin tchin
I'm not sure if this is a really bad roleplay post, or if you have some weird obsession with Tha Martini and GoonSwarm.
ReplyDeleteTalk about something interesting, like politics, instead of writing bad posts in which you attempt to "draw Goon ire" and suicide ganked so you can talk about buffing CONCORD.
Why, this is all about politics. It is merely served up with an abundance of puckish whimsy.
DeletePersonally, I see no reason to buff Concord. Why? Do you feel it's becoming necessary? 'Cause if the bears have been playing rough, let me know and I'll go sort them out for you.
Puckish whimsy. Don't worry Mord, no one gets it when I try it either.
DeleteYou should take that passion and rally the high pilots and alliances and fight. Right now you sound like the penguin from batman.
ReplyDeletePassion? I am far too old and jaded for passion. Ask Anne Hathaway, poor girl. Flung herself at me in all manner shameless and desperate with passion. I told her my heart was one part stone and one part ash, and that the two of us could never work out. Broke her heart at the time, poor kid, but I think her life has been better for it.
DeleteGoons aren't planning on wardeccing their targets. Merely suicide ganking them repeatedly.
ReplyDeleteHow's that working for them?
DeleteXalix Mar of Pendulum of Doom delivers the first goonsicle - 46 million isk worth of icy goodness. http://pendulum.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=13446988
ReplyDeleteWhite Rose-sanctioned Goon hunters from Pendulum of Doom scored first six kills yesterday - 3 ships their 3 pods - in Jita area.
ReplyDeleteHow appropriate to make Jita HOT for Goons.
I for one very much appreciate your puckish whimsy. Oh what fools these Goon-lovers be! Give Anne my regards.
ReplyDeleteGleaker of Pendulum of Doom just took out two GSF pilots, including a Goon Tengu & its pod. Gerhardt Strobel of High Pulse scored a kill in Lonetrek a short while ago.
ReplyDeleteGoon running loss total near 4.5bil on 13 ships/pods since yesterday. So far no losses to Goon hunting allies with White Rose License to Kill.
The new wardec mechanics certainly open more interesting PvP possibilities than the old, which really just lent themselves to petty griefing.
Hmmmm. Not the "war of extermination over seemingly innocuous offenses" that was advertised.
DeleteThis all makes me sad. I was glad for your return. But your current tract is simply unworthy of you. You look like Mordo Baggins, the forgotten hobbit, casting about the plains of Mordor hoping to catch the gaze of The Eye to bring some relevance to your existence. It's pathetic and beneath you and totally not working.
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on, Mord. I hates the Goons and wish they was gone from the game :)
ReplyDelete