Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from goddamn Sing Laison, cross five thousand aster-nomical units of lowsec, fight my way through half of nullsec and jump into effin' Dek-o-line to teach the Goons lessons in humanity. Goon ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a bear-hatin', chin-pussy wearin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every son of a bitch we find flyin' a Goon ship, they're gonna die.
- With apologies to Quentin Tarantino
Last week Jester posted a blog entry featuring some leaked Goonswarm intel. Most of it was 'Burn Jita' strategy and timing, which I found mildly interesting. However, at the very end of the post, Jester dropped in this little gem:
"GSF is creating an internal group specifically with the intent of hunting down and killing 'enemies of Carlotta':
'The purpose of the [Goonswarm] Death Squad is to hunt down and punish every bleating pubbie who has felt that they could hide behind Concord and speak out against us without fear. In nullsec we have fought wars of extermination over seemingly innocuous offenses (such as Tetsujin's sig)‚ yet human garbage like Jade Constantine and Issler Dainze reside securely, squatting in their empire shitholes, squawking about Goonswarm with no risk. No more.'If anything in the leak shows off what Goons might be capable of now that their leader is unshackled from the CSM, this is it. Say something nasty about Goons? Prepare to lose a ship and most likely a clone as well."
Of course the central question here is, who's on the Goon enemies list? Am I? 'Cause, that would be totally cool.
I'd be all, "Hey baby, I'm a marked man. Ol' Mittens is so scared of my l33t word-smithing he's ordered his death squad into highsec to kill me. Yeah, you heard me right - ol' Mittens just can't take me calling him names. Makes him craaaaazy. "
As word of Mitten's enemies list spreads, being on it is going to carry enormous prestige. You're going to be a big fat nobody if you don't have a crew of Goon death squad assassins dogging your heels. And if the assassins get you it's no more that what's expected. Goon pops pubbie. Not a big deal. But if you manage to bait and pod some death squad members? Total bragging rights.
Now, I am not the type to sit around and wait for an invitation to the dance. I'll just assume I am on the Goon enemies list and behave accordingly. Which is to say, Mitten's minions are now in season. Hulkageddon is bringing the Goons up into highsec, so I have the perfect opportunity to hone my Goon scalping skills. Mitten's eventual and inevitable retreat from highsec will bring him no respite. I will harry his Goons where I find them, even unto the doors of Dekline.
Now, I know what you're going to say. There's nearly nine thousand Goons out there, and only the one of me. And those are pretty lopsided odds. But, hell, I figure if things get too far out of hand Mittens has a Der Fuhrer-size pile of technetium money lying around.
He can always hire Pandemic Legion if he needs to make it an fair fight.