Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Chin Music

Mittens and Friend
OK, this is an unpleasant truth, but one that has to be told.  It's tough love time.

The Mittani wears a chin-pussy.

The chin-pussy (as in, 'I grew one because it's as close as I'll ever get to one') is a beard that covers only the end of the chin with no accompanying mustache, or beard along the cheek or jaw-line.  Its colorful nickname owes to its resemblance to a mound of pubic hair.

There are two types of people who can get away with this facial fashion faux pas.  The first includes Marvel Comic villains, like Spider Man's sometime nemesis, Morbius.  The other type are baseball relief pitchers possessed of a 92+ mph fastball, wicked breaking pitches and an ungodly low earned run average.

At last check, Mittens was neither of these.

Now, I don't know about you, but I cannot listen to dire pronouncements, threats of doom or maniacal laughter and keep a straight face when the mouth from which said dire pronouncement, threats of doom or maniacal laughter issue resides above a chin-pussy.  I know, I know, it's meant to look all sinister and menacing and stuff.  But no.  Not so much. Gives me the giggles.

Sorry man. Someone had to tell you.

Edward Norton
Now if Mittens wishes to connect with his inner Mephistopheles without evoking peals of laughter, he might consider the van dyke as worn by Edward Norton or, um, Mephistopheles.  Mittens does need a bit of facial hair in order to avoid being mistaken for the bass player in a boy-band.   Growing a mustache that connects to his current...ahem...adornment would allow him that touch of evil maturity he so obviously desires without giving him the air of someone who just fell off the cheese truck from Haywagon, Wisconsin.

Oh. Wait a minute.

Anyway, as they say in the forums, I'll just leave this here.  Think of it as friendly advice, like Grace Bedell's letter to Lincoln about the beard.   Sort of.  I mean, obviously it's not an exact parallel; what with Mittens being a self aggrandizing, would-be monomaniacle despot of a universe of cartoon space ships who wears a chin-pussy.   Whereas Lincoln was (at the time of the letter) a future paragon of presidential virtue and clean-shaven.   Still, the sentiment's the same.

Of course Mittens is going to be Mittens, facial hair and all and it's unlikely he'll hear, let alone heed this sage advice.  However I felt it important he know that, in the meantime, as he goes about his nefarious day to day, there's a common thread of thought passing through the minds of every friend, foe and minion that hears his name:



  1. Lmao, so happy your posting again.

  2. I'm not happy... another post I'll have to scrap. Although I had a different word for it, which wasn't as nice. lol

    1. Ah, it's a rare day when I can beat the mad, bad Mr Javix to a naughty act.

  3. Mord! Welcome back! As for l'il Alex . . . Chin pussy, inflatable e-peen, it's a set.

  4. Haha chin-pussy. Wonder if he waxes it? Indeed glad to read your witticisms once again.

    1. Going by the photos he keeps it wax free and

  5. Haha so out of the norm for you.